Had the ~6 month after-the-break-up post-mortem coffee with A yesterday. When she got up to order something I almost stood up and walked out. Not because she’s terrible, but just because it felt like too much–being in the same room with her, listening to how her life has sped on. Like it does. That woman has nine and some lives, like a plethora of cats. Christ. Not like mine hasn’t done the same, of course. It just hurt. It was like sitting in a coffee shop with an open wound. It was nice to hear her voice, see her face, reacquaint ourselves, too.

On the other hand, when I got home I suddenly found myself realizing how much I’ve missed doing BDSM regularly, especially more intensive pain/humiliation/genderfuck stuff. It was like a door had opened, and my desire to do these things again walked back into the room and sat down with me. I curled up on the couch and wrote it all out. How long have I been holding off, telling myself I could “get by” without?

I have a deep discomfort with the broader kink “community” because it feels based in privilege and hierarchy, and I’m not willing to let go of my anti-authoritarian politic to enter it, but I also know that there are people right now who are doing work to decentralize kink and keep those communities accountable.

So that’s pretty well and good. But what I really want right now is a punching/caning scene* with so much shit-talking. Like, yesterday. Guess I should get my tools together and start using my words.

*lemme guess: do I know about Fetlife? Yes, thanks.


3 Responses to “”

  1. WendyRM said

    On the note of kink being “based in privilege” have you read my post about that topic? http://marginaldialogue.blogspot.com/2012/05/this-is-why-being-kinky-is-different.html

  2. maymay said

    I also know that there are people right now who are doing work to decentralize kink and keep those communities accountable.

    I think I’ve done my work. I’m not sure how much more I can do.

    • word. i wish this didn’t remind me so strongly of the way i felt about the bike community. i am still so disappointed sometimes.
      oh and hey, i was really grateful to accidentally run across your blog at a time when i actually have time to read it. thank you for writing.

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