the circle of life?

03/07/2012

Yo survivor: How do you talk about the cycle of abuse with your family? Do you? Do you talk about learning healthier ways of relating to people (boundary setting, coping skills, embodiment, etc)? Do you talk with them about healing work you are doing for yourself? Is there any measure of accountability for past abuse/boundary crossing shit? I mean, with yer bio fam, the ones you still speak to–if you do.

My mother has taken to telling me about the horrible toxic shit my maternal grandmother pulls on her. I’m glad she can’t perpetrate physical abuse on her anymore, but damn that woman still has some power. I told my mam she should just straight up stop speaking to her, but I think that (like me) she gets lonely, not having any family left but me, her partner, and their son. Her partner’s family tried for years to break up their marriage, it seems like it’s only 20 years on that they’ve become a little kinder and gentler.

I just, really. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK PEOPLE? can we just not be jerks already?

It’s more complicated than that, but still.

I understand, I do. It took me years to leave my father’s house, tho I was 18 when I left. When I was younger he would threaten to harm me or my partner and so I felt helpless, trapped–and of course, the law was on his side. And do you know? I love him, I just don’t think it’s safe for me to be anywhere near him/his partner/their little family, tho I have been talking about trying to get in touch with his sisters and our family in Mexico. I kind of want to go travel down there, listen to peoples’ stories, especially the women of our family, who I feel like are too often erased by misogyny, racism, and classism.

And still: I have often found myself in love with people who remind me of my father in some way, many of them positive–some of them less-than. Ho well. Awareness feels like half the battle with that.

Anyways, just needed a shoebox for my feelings, I am so tired of the cycle churning round and round. She also relayed some other dismaying news of the cycle of abuse being perpetrated upon folks of my generation, but I’ll try to let that rest for now, tho it’s nagging at me hard.

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