re re re re

10/26/2011

Back in the days when I was a teenager
Before I had status and before I had a pager
You could find the Abstract listening to hip hop
My pops used to say, it reminded him of be-bop
I said, well daddy don’t you know that things go in cycles
The way that Bobby Brown is just ampin like Michael

“Excursions”, A Tribe Called Quest

***

I keep learning how. Learn the lesson and break it down, learn it again.

How to: set a boundary, react when someone doesn’t respect that boundary, hold myself accountable, hold others accountable, be kind and compassionate with myself, be kind and compassionate with others…

The learning is everywhere, all the time.

***

Collective work (I wish I could be more specific) continues apace.

The division of labor when we’re actually able to all get behind the work we do together is such a relief. My anxious imperative to do all the things becomes do some of the things, then have your own life.

Learning to say what I mean, mean what I say.

Learning how to say: here is what I am capable of, I will do these things, and not to try to pick up the slack where no one else will. If no one else can do these things, then I guess they won’t get done or we’ll have to come back to them.

And that’s big and scary for me, because I work best off of a sense of urgency, so learning this pacing thing is difficult.

I’ve always had an up all night to get it done kind of work ethic, and to realize that doing that on a daily basis for years at a time is not actually sustainable is a game-changer.

***

Making art, and when I’m not making art, often thinking about it.

Ballpoint and watercolor sketches.

A pocket full of words embroidered with a single kiss.

I wish I could scan this for you, or mail it to the “crush jail” crush, who is non communicado while dealing with some heavy, but I think it’s better to just collage it for now.

Thinking about doing more film work, less sexy, more magical realism stuff. Narratives that portray our lives (what weird lives we lead, you and I, and what joy!) as they are, while telling truths that might not be revealed if I were just to film (or write) our days from end to end.

What if there were a dragon in the lake who ate cops? I mean, my brain has some pretty whacky ideas, and I am delighted by their ridiculousness. More stormbraining to be done, most defs.

Reading a book about writing. Excited about it, even. Have not felt very excited about most of my writing this week or last. Putting a lot of that energy towards the collective project, which gratefully will culminate most of its energy on Friday and give me back the language center of my brain for more creative endeavors.

***

“The lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne.” – Chaucer

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