cope-u-lation: in which the author is incoherently joyful


sometimes i like to make lists of the things i have been up to. these lists are useful later when i go all manic-loww and can hardly think and think EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE ALL THE TIME. cos hey, it’s not! oh yeah, i am totally on a manic high right now. DO ALL THE THINGSSSS.

things i have been doing:

  • building friendships, both old and new
  • having meaningful conversations
  • writing like a motherfucker
  • designing/making garments for myself and others (WHOO IT IS AUTUMN YES WOOL YES)
  • imbibing fewer substances (ok, except caffeine, which has been moar imbibing)
  • typing & mailing a favorite poem to a crush (on an old typewriter, eee!)
  • a new volunteer gig that involves caressing books for 3 hours a week (as you can imagine, i am fucking thrilled)
  • a first date that went really well with said crush (!!)
  • not-even-close-to-the-first dates with people i still have crushes on
  • reading really good feminist fiction (the handmaid’s tale is even better the 2nd time around…)
  • pre-pondering mixtapes/zines
  • making flyers and planning events
  • writing lots of letters
  • crush jaaail
  • alternating discussion w- F: critiques of 99%r rhetoric/action + silliness about crushes
  • gearing up to interview potential housemates (fuuuuck, i hate this.)
  • leaving silly voicemails for people i love (i am trying to get the hell over my everlasting Fear of The Phone)
  • dinner with my sweetie, her other sweetie, and their other sweetie
  • playing rough, SO JOYFULLY (you wanna see my bruises? they’re so pretty)
  • so many dentist appointments (almost done, i think! next up: glasses)
  • being so cheerful that people interpret me as ‘flirty,’ whatever-in-the-fuck-that-means
  • trying to say ‘fuck’ less, and tap my inner thesaurus more
  • maaaakeouts!
  • going slow to allow my body healing time (riding geared bike, walking, bussing)
  • trying (and often failing) to sleep more
  • struggling with a zine project that has been sitting around for ~a year, sighing and feeling bad about it
  • feeling guilty about not being at occupy ___ more often
  • working at convincing myself that it is TOTALLY OKAY since i disagree with them on lots of points (pacifism, police, neo-liberalism, etc)
  • procrastinating at laundry, cleaning
  • being depressed (sometimes–i’m bipolar, remember?!)
  • still trying to heal the hole in my face
  • struggling with joint/muscle inflammation and fatigue, trying not to complain too much (and to just keep moving, remembering to take ibuprofen)
  • eating more greens
  • eating out for lunch more often than i should
  • eating more peanut butter
  • dreaming intensely (asleep)
  • dreaming intensely (awake)
  • touching myself, loving myself (loving myself back), talking to myself, singing to myself, praising myself, chastising myself
  • feeling a lot more whole & engaged
  • loving the rain
  • not dancing enough



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