09/01/2011

Hey big deep thoughts about white privilege, mixed race identity, and internalized oppression! What is the haps! Please, step in time, step up, step down, turn around, sit down. Okay, another time. Save the draft, burn the rest.

Hard to put all the stuff swirling around my brain in order. Housesitting for old’n’dear friends in their cluttered apartment. The dog and the cat are old, yawning, trip over eachother trying to get to my hands. The hands feather attention: behind the ears, on the ruff of the neck, patting the haunches.

Walked the neighborhood some today in the bright late afternoon sun. Sat by the water and read devoured more of Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye. Somehow the rape scene managed to be almost tender, but not in a way that seemed apologist.

Next week I have minor surgery scheduled, my wisdom teeth. Fucking things.

Have been very dissociative, for weeks now. In the middle of a conversation I find my presence flung up like a helium balloon, sailing above. My hearing feels wrong, I get embarrassed from asking people to repeat themselves so many times.

The quietude feels welcoming here.

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